by Lucas Castro
Every prisoner facing death penalty has multiple rights, which usually reflect their last wishes. During his last 24 hours, the prisoner can choose his last meal, his own way of execution, who is able to assist to the latter, pray aloud with a priest and finally, to write a last letter.
TO MY MOTHER:
Mom, I’m gonna miss you.
So much. Not once in your lifetime you should doubt your parenting skills, the love or the affection you gave me. I failed to you as a son, but you never failed to me as a mother. As I go through my final thoughts, I do not regret a lot of things, as I have always been stubborn and real to myself. We both know that I got that from dad, he knew it too.
However, I do regret making you witness such thing as my conviction. I know what has been told out there, but I will leave without knowing what you believe in. I do not want to speak on that horrific night, but you know better than anyone what your son is incapable of. You have seen the forensic photos, and the eye is quick to judge, but as I told you already, God washed me in blood that night.
If you ever run into a conversation about what happened to me, which I know you will, don’t you ever feel the need of protecting your son’s name. Protect yours and stay truthful to your beliefs. Like me and dad did.
Yours truly.
TO MY CELLMATE CARLOS:
It’s me again, pendejo.
Really thought you would never hear from your brother again, huh? I know it has been a couple of months since I left our cherished shithole, and I’ve been thinking about you ever since I’ve been rotting in this smaller shithole. I pray every night, hoping that you’ll find your way out of here soon. You deserve to be with your family, you deserve to see your little boy grow up. You just have to do as we promised and stay out of shit. You do good, stay clean and out of the radar, and only good things will come your way brother, because you truly are a nice and pure human being. You welcomed me and treated me with respect, but more than that, you never wondered what I did, and if I was guilty or not. I would like to be as strong and brave as you are and tell you everything that got me where I am today. But I am not. And maybe that’s why I deserve what is coming my way.
I never liked your gangbanging slang and shit, but I will forever remember what you taught me about not letting your head down and keep striving. So today I return you this lesson homie, please keep being ten toes down. Thank you for being you.
See you in hell, pendejo.
TO MY LAWYER:
Greetings David.
I just wanted to formally thank you for your dedication. It was a good run, and I know you tried. You looked at me, dead in the eye, and told me we would win this case. It was the first and only time I’ve felt hope in this place. Maybe I should’ve helped you more by lying less. But I took the “innocent until proven guilty” part a little too seriously. I took it so seriously that I sometimes forgot what I had done. You forged such a convincing and bulletproof narrative, that I could almost see myself walking alive out of here and not in a wooden box. I know this is your job, and you were so good at with that you will struggle to cope with your biggest loss yet: death penalty. I do feel sorry for that, however I do hope that next time you come across such blatantly evident and dreadful case, you will think twice before accepting it. Forget the payday, stay true to yourself and stop defending monsters.
As for my heritage, transfer all my funds anonymously to the victim’s family. If you did your job correctly, you should know why.
Kind regards.
TO WARDEN SHARP:
Dear warden Sharp.
Before filling the requirements, I wanted to thank you for letting me enjoy my rights, thus being able to write this letter. You’ve been nothing than human to me since I arrived here, and fairly there is not a lot of humanity down here. Thus, I will be pretty simple and straightforward since I do not want to complicate your job, which I imagine is already hard enough.
I will respectfully pass on my last meal. Diving directly into the belly of the Beast, I would much rather arrive there on a fast. As for my execution Sir, I honestly don’t care how you kill me tomorrow. I lost control of this situation a while ago, so the path I take to the exit does not seem to matter no more. The chair, the injection, or the firing squad. All seem fitting to a man who does not belong here any longer. I would also like to be alone in that room; please, do not feel any kind of pity for me warden Sharp, but I am afraid no one would show up anyway.
I would lie if I said that I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. But I am happy to know you will be the last face that I see.
Until we meet again warden.
TO MY FATHER:
Dad. I am almost there.
You deserve to rest in peace for eternity, but unfortunately you will need to welcome me tomorrow dad. I haven’t spoken with you for a while now, I am not even sure when was the last time. We have so much to catch up on, but I pray that we have enough time to do it up there, because down here, I must address to you my last words as a sinner. You are the only one who truly deserves to know the truth, because you soon will be the only one who can really punish me for such tragedy. No one can ever hurt me enough down here for what I’ve done, thus my culpability towards you will be the only weight I carry with me up there. I killed them. I tried to prove myself that I didn’t, I relived that night over and over again inside my head, looking for excuses, but if I want to be worthy of your mercy, I must be totally transparent. I killed every single one of them, dad. I did what had to be done. I am ready to accept death knowing that I avenged yours. The consequences were nothing to me, juts a part of the sacrifice.
I put everything and everyone against me because revenge will never be heroic. Revenge is unfair, dirty, and weak. But it was the only thing I believed in since you were gone. So, I did what you taught me dad. I stuck to my beliefs, and I did what it had to be done.
See you soon, dad.