It all started at the age of fifteen, after an ordinary gymnastics lesson, very proud of her new sportswear, which two friends of her had suggested that she lose a little weight before putting on such a tight outfit in a sarcastic tone. These were just the words of carefree young girls, but in Ellie’s ears this sentence was still ringing in her ears, it haunted her day and night for months. Time went by but these words resounded in her, the more Ellie moved forward and the more she hated herself, her body that she had once cherished so much, disgusted her. Every time she passed in front of a mirror, she found another flaw in her silhouette, she even wondered how she had ever loved herself one day.
Four months had gone by and Ellie’s life had taken a decisive turn, already six kilos lighter, she was delighted with the idea but it was far from over for her, she was now integrated into a group with lots of other girls like her, a group in which girls from all over the world exchange advice, send each other motivation to never give up. The strategy that Ellie had decided to follow was one of discretion, she did not want to alert her parents who would have immediately forced her to consult a doctor and therefore put an end to her goal. Every morning she took a snack that her mother had prepared for her and as soon as she got off the bus she threw it into the first bin she came across. At lunchtime she ate in the canteen with her friends, there too, to avoid any suspicion, she used her fork to make a mess of her plate and pretend to eat, at the end of the meal the food seemed to have been partly eaten although she didn’t touch it at all, every evening at home the same schema emerged, she simply explained that she ate a lot at lunch and that she was struggling to put up with the evening meal. The only thing Ellie ate during the day was an apple, an apple that she cut into quarters, one quarter in the morning, one quarter at lunchtime, one quarter in the afternoon break and one quarter in the evening.
Regarding her weight loss, which was not yet obvious, she said that she had started to exercise again in order to get a little firmer and in fact not a day went by without doing less than three hours of sport for her.
As the months went by Ellie’s condition deteriorated, she had now lost over 10 kilos and people around her were gradually beginning to suspect that something was wrong. Strangely the more her body was losing weight and the more energy she had and the more determined she was to get thinner and thinner. Despite her weight loss, the silhouette that Ellie saw in the mirror every morning became worse every day, the body she saw had nothing to do with hers and yet she remained convinced that it was. Bulges everywhere, a chubby face, huge legs, everything disgusted her about her. As his body was losing weight, his motivation increased.
Then it all happened, there was that Christmas dinner with her family, and she had to eat the whole meal to prove to her family that she was fine but once she got home it was eating her up. It was when her mother heard her vomit in the bathroom that she realized what was wrong. After that, visits to specialized clinics, doctors, therapies, talking groups became common place for her for years. The consequences were dramatic, Ellie’s parents were eaten away with guilt, Ellie’s friends blamed themselves for not being able to help her sooner. In Ellie’s case, a big depression followed her crisis, a total loss of taste in life, existential questions about the meaning of life.
Nothing has been the same since that famous gymnastics class, despite the many therapies and time there is always that little voice in Ellie’s head whispering to her that she is way too fat and ugly. Now she’s twenty-one years old, six years have passed since her first crisis and although she’s getting better, there’s not a day that goes by without counting the number of calories she’s eaten, not a day without which after a big meal she goes to do several hours of sport to eliminate them.